Saturday, June 17, 2017

Really, Jayson? Really? Part XXIII ...

Not every Jayson post has included a Roman numeral in its title but this is indeed the twenty-third in a series, which began in 2011.

I tired of the Jayson posts for a time but now that the country has grown infinitely more ridiculous, the absurdity of Jayson feels like a well-worn blanket, a comfort, like home.

And so, over coffee this morning, I clicked over to visit the vintage and antique offerings. The go/no-go decision to draft a post rests with whether enough catches my eye to include. Some items are priced in a way that strikes me as sane. Some items are lovely and I'd consider including them in my home, if only I could afford them.

And then ... . Well, let's begin.

I actually rather like this table. I do not like the table offspring that are intended to sit atop it (you'll have to click through to see that magic) but I like the form of the table. I do not, however, understand the utility of a table that is a foot high and nearly 11 feet long. What is its purpose? I'd genuinely like to know. Angelo, my dear friend, how would you use this in a space? How big would the space be? Is it really just a platform bed for people who prefer to sleep end to end?

Vintage Long Table – $1,895

This 94" sofa hails from France and the 19th Century, designed by someone who, unlike the creator of the table (above), was never informed of the existence of straight lines.

Antique French Sofa – $7,495

Oh, my. What happened here? The description includes the phrase "upholstery as found." Found where? In an alley in Miami behind a community center where Dorothy Zbornak was taking a class in fabric painting and somehow ended up with a tab of LSD on her tongue? Why would anyone do this to a piece of furniture, let alone two? Why would anyone then buy them and try to sell them for nearly $1,000 apiece? Why were these not sacrificed into a volcano when they were found? They're clearly the gateway to an evil dimension. Someone took the time to create coordinated piping, for God's sake. No. No, I say. Stop. For the love of God, stop. Won't someone think of the children?!

Vintage X Bench – $995 (Set of two available, priced individually)


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