Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Really, Jayson? Really? Closeout Edition ...

I never knew, until today, that Jayson offers closeout items. Fascinating. Could it be that the Jayson poobahs may have started to get a glimmer of the beginnings of an inkling that their wares are insanely overpriced?

So I clicked. And I scrolled. And wouldn't you know it, I saw some merch that I've included in past Really, Jayson? Really? posts.

Poor merch, stranded on the online equivalent of The Island of Misfit Toys. Will Santa arrive in time to save it all? Or will someone with an American Express Black card decide the deals are too good to pass up?

So, then, a collection of past favorites and new possibilities. Oh, Jayson, never change.

Vintage Metal Atom Model

Vintage Metal Atom Model – Was $4,795, Now $1,999

What I wrote then:

It is, of course, from France. As most Jayson Flea items are, but "Huh," I thought. "That seems like quite a lot of money – even by Jayson standards – for a model of an atom."

And then I checked the dimensions.

Would you like to know the dimensions?

63"W x 55"D x 42.25"H

That's right, this model atom is more than five feet wide.

And it's not necessarily that old. It's listed as "20th century."

Do people in France have very poor vision?

Or did someone make a model of an atom that would be to scale if it were viewed from space?

I greatly appreciate the very precise height dimension of 42.25 inches. Because how upsetting would it be to get your giant atom home only to discover the perfect display space is a quarter inch too short?

I would like the meet the person who buys this big-ass atom. If that's you, please do drop me a line.


Well, no wonder I never heard from the person who bought the big-ass atom. The big-ass atom is still for sale. And drastically reduced. Do you think it's occurred to someone that it would have been better to leave the big-ass atom in France?

Vintage Yellow Dining Chair

Vintage Yellow Dining Chair – Were $995 (each), Now $399 (each)

Then:

Behold the Vintage Yellow Dining Chair. It's 20th Century. It's American. It's priced individually but there are four to be had, if you're in the mood to drop more than $4,000 (tax, don'tcha know?) on someone's crime against chairkind. Remember Trading Spaces? One of the designers was a woman named Hildi. She created a dining room in black, white, canary, and chrome. The homeowners were horrified. I have a sneaking suspicion that these chairs are from that room. I hope the homeowners have long since gotten over their shock. And painted. Or moved.

That's right, kids! Now you can have the set of four for not much more than you would have paid for one! But you're going to need an extra long table so you can put all four chairs along one side, so you don't have to look at them while you eat. Drape any mirrors that might reflect them. Or wear blindfolds while you dine.

Antique Faux Bois Table and Chairs

Antique Faux Bois Table – Was $3,495, Now $999

Antique Faux Bois Chairs – Were $1,895 (each), Now $899 (each)

If the canary nightmares aren't your taste but you've always dreamed of living life like a Keebler elf, Jayson's got you covered! The table is 31"W x 30"D x 20.5"H. I thought perhaps the height dimension might be a typo, but then I remembered that elves are small. No need for a human-height dining table. Of course, if you're human, you'll want to be the type who likes to relax while hunched over, and really, who doesn't? Haven't we all reclined long enough?

The matching chairs – there's a set of six available, and yes, they do total $5,394! – are 27.75"W x 23.75"D x 29.75"H with a seat height of 16.5" and a seat depth of 17.5", so it's a good thing the table isn't a normal height or else you'd need thighs no bigger than the thickness of notebook paper to scooch yourself underneath.

The table is early 20th Century and hails from England. The chairs are early 20th Century and were discovered in France.

Oh, and did I mention they're all made of cement? How delightful!

And lastly ...

Lane Square Ottoman

Lane Square Ottoman – Was $2,395, Now $799

Another stealerino! According to Jayson: "Our Lane Square Ottoman exudes refinement." It's 45"W x 45"D x 16.5"H and upholstered in graphite percale. (I'm pretty sure "percale" in this case is a fancy way of getting someone to pay too much for "cotton.") Except, of course, that no one's bought Lane yet. Which is odd, because all Jayson shoppers exude refinement. Except me. The last time I was there, I was embarrassed to be the only one not sporting a top hat and monocle. I'm surprised they even let me in. It must have been Pity Day.

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