Sunday, August 04, 2013

Really, Jayson? Really? Part X ...

Despite its Roman numeral, this isn't really my 10th Jayson post. It's actually my 15th. The first one was written in March 2011. And I've been amused by Jayson's silliness ever since.

Let's consider, for a moment, this treasure. It's demure as chandeliers go, with a 25-inch spread. It's American, which is interesting for Jayson, as so many of its offerings are French. (But nothing this ugly would come out of France.) It sports a "painted finish as found" – translation: "Unfortunate." And you can have the privilege of hanging this small, ugly, domestic, fake-bamboo lighting fixture in your home for a mere $2,495.

You know what else you can buy for $2,500? A lot.

Vintage Faux Bamboo Chandelier – $2,495

Next up, how about a vintage paperback book? I don't have to tell you how hard these babies are to come by. You might think that today's used books are yesterday's new books, but in the mind of Jayson buyers, they are exceedingly rare. Which is why you should not be so stupid as to go to a garage sale or thrift store and spend a quarter or maybe a whole dollar on a used book, because who will that impress? No, no, bibliophile hipster, get your skinny-jeans-clad ass over to Jayson and shell out $22 on a "vintage" paperback book, pronto. Then you can spend the rest of the afternoon sipping absinthe and mocking others for their declassé used-book-buying ways, the chumps.

Vintage Paperback Book – $22

And while you're there, and if your credit card hasn't already melted, please do give serious consideration to this vintage lion skull. It's thoughtfully apartment-sized – one would think a lion skull would be much larger – and lest you wonder where Jayson might have gotten its homegoods mitts on such a treasure, it was "acquired from a zoo." I don't think we want to know what happened to the rest of the lion, do we? Also, the fact that it's American provides further reassurance that you won't be displaying the skull of Simba in your home.

Vintage Lion Skull – $2,295


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