Thursday, March 01, 2012

The XX Factor ...

Oh, I've been so foolish.

Here I thought we deserved some respect, we proliferators of the human race.

No, no, it's no trouble, really, carrying the responsibility of perpetuating the species and making sure that your T-shirts are their very whitest. After all, that's why we're here, to birth your babies and bleach your loads.

Of course, we've been imbued with the miracle of bringing life into the world but that doesn't mean we have the good sense to make decisions for ourselves. So of course, if we participate in any sexual activity without the sole intent of creating a human being, we deserve to be branded as sluts. Never mind that two of the most terrifying words a man can ever hear are "I'm pregnant."

Forgive me my confusion – I don't possess a Republican Penis of Wisdom – but how is it that some men can want to have sex with women and want to deny them the right to birth control and recoil at the notion that they might knock up a girl or 20?

Gosh, gentlemen, you're just too virile for your own good!

But what's a handsome, brilliant, powerful man to do? You have needs.

The good news is, now that all we women know we're prostitutes, thanks to Mr. Limbaugh, the patron saint of misogynistic asswipes, you shouldn't have to pony up your hard-earned cash for our services anymore.

Supply and demand at its finest, this development. If every woman is a prostitute, that should drive down the price all the way to $0.

Actually, I think this means that we'll start paying you!

Because you know what's sexy? Almost every Republican member of the United States Senate voting for the Blunt amendment. Oh, yes, Mitch McConnell, you gorgeous turtle of a man, embolden my future employers to pass judgment on me, too. That is so hot.

What's that? Oh. Oops! There I go again, acknowledging that I sometimes have a fleeting thought about sex.

Naughty me. I'll have to practice my chastity.

I don't have any aspirin in my medicine cabinet. Will a liqui-gel do?

What a relief to no longer have to think about what I'll wear every day. I'll stock up on high-necked blouses and ankle-length skirts tomorrow. Does anyone know where I can get a deal on cameos?

Or has the GOP mandated burqas? I want to be sure to comply.

By the way, where can I donate my shoes? Clearly, I won't be needing them anymore.

And I'll sure miss driving. But think of all the money I'll save on gas.

Oh, wait a minute. I'm not supposed to be earning my own money, am I?

But I don't even own an apron, let alone pearls.

Whatever shall I do?

If anyone needs me, I'll be on my fainting couch.

6 Comments:

Blogger Alison said...

"Republican Penis of Wisdom"! HA!

9:16 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

Yes, I was fond of that, too! :o )

9:21 AM  
Anonymous Dave said...

Beautifully...and well...said.

Some men make me ashamed to be one.

Rush should face legal charges: defamation of character. Having a radio show does not free you from all the social responsibilities. I'm sick of the "I'm an entertainer" excuse. Politics is not meant to be entertainment.

12:34 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

Thanks, Dave. I'm pleased to know many men who are infinitely more evolved than Rush.

And I hope she sues him, wins, and uses his money to pay off her law degree and get settled in a home, and then donates the balance to a women's organization or some other cause that would really piss him off.

12:50 PM  
Anonymous Dave said...

The damage to his wallet of advertisers quitting his show is the only thing that FORCED him to apologize. He sadly believes every rancid word that comes out of his mouth.

I wish we "consumers" better understood the power we have in boycotting or supporting companies based on their actions not just their products. (Like your experience with Starwoods - we CAN change things!)

Trust me, if nobody was willing to place ads on his show...there'd be no show.

We are paying the sad price of there being too many media outlets hungry for content - the more outrageous the better to attract attention - where we used to get by perfectly well with fewer less biased sources. I often toy with stopping my blog simply because I feel like the last thing the world needs: one more opinion.

6:27 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

Oh, surely, there's not an ounce of sincerity in anything he wrote. Also, publishing it on his web site on a Saturday afternoon? Way to try and bury it, Rushbo.

There was a concerted Twitter effort to get Glenn Beck's advertisers to drop him, and that worked in getting Glenn off the air. Let's hope the same will be true of Rush.

As for your blog, the world especially needs the voices of the intelligent and fair. Keep speaking.

6:37 PM  

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