Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Reinforcement ...

Friday was a contemplative day.

Grey. Quiet. Just me and my mixer, making batch after batch of dough.

Standing there, at the counter, scraping down the butter and sugar into a pale yellow cloud, I noticed how in tune I was with the task at hand, how natural yet expert it felt, what I was doing. There was no big fanfare, no big a-ha. It was suddenly just there, in my mind.

I don't know when I'll stop expecting profound moments to be accompanied by trumpets. They never sound.

But shouldn't they?

No, I guess not.

Part of me feels like such an effortful quest for meaning should be punctuated by showy moments when meaning is found. Clearly, I've read too many books and watched too many movies. Compressed into a few hundred pages or 90 minutes, drama is easy to show. Also, there is the added bonus of the events being, you know, fiction.

It's easy to write the big moments, easy to show them on the screen. Helped along by a just-right music cue.

But these lifetimes we're living, however short or however long, are quite a bit more humdrum, I suppose.

Some days are life-changing. Some days, big news arrives, be it happy or sad.

But many days are full of sameness: get up, get ready, do some work, waste some time, go to sleep.

And somewhere along the line, if we're lucky, a moment lopes along and we realize its significance. Quietly.


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