Saturday, August 20, 2011

I Eat A Lot Of Salad ...

Genetically, I'm part rabbit.

Because I am my mother's daughter, and somewhere along the line, my mother must have been bitten by a radioactive rabbit (like Spiderman, but with a bunny) and suddenly, a sandwich wasn't a sandwich unless it contained a three-inch stack of lettuce.

OK, yes, I'm being absurd. She doesn't make sandwiches with three inches of lettuce. It's really only about two. Two inches. But that's the God's honest truth. We don't understand people who put one forlorn piece of iceberg lettuce on sandwich. We pile up romaine until the bread falls off.

Anyway, suffice it to say, I grew up eating a lot of lettuce. Iceberg, yes, back in the day, because that was what was done. Actually, I should buy a head of iceberg every now and then, if only for the satisfying WHUNK! of slamming it down on the counter on its core. What? How do you core a head of iceberg lettuce? Do you use a knife? Or do you just pull leaves off of the core and leave it there? Oh, no. No, no, no, people. Grab that sucker with two hands, core to the bottom, and WHUNK! that bad boy down on the counter – hard. Turn it over, grab the core, and it will come right out.

These days, I buy a six-pack of romaine hearts at Costco, which lasts me a few days. And I make salads far bigger than my head. But veggies are mostly water. There's not a lot of there there. At this time of year, either from my mother or my neighbor, I have a constant supply of cucumbers and tomatoes on my counter, so into the salads they go. And I give 'em a good drizzle of balsamic dressing and toss in a ridiculous pile of freshly grated Parmesan cheese and a healthy handful of chopped, toasted walnuts, and then I plop myself on the couch with a napkin and a fork and I cram my face full of salad.

It's not pretty. But I don't eat that way in front of others. In front of others, I take bites that fit into my mouth. Hey, my mother raised me right. Mostly.

Lately, I just don't have a taste for anything else. Maybe it's the heat. Maybe I'm just boring. But last night, I hopped in the car to go fetch dinner. (I had nothing on hand and didn't feel like cooking anyway.) And I drove around for about 20 minutes, waiting for something to appeal to me, gave up, came home, put the car in the garage, and headed inside to make a giant salad.

At the moment, I'm having iced coffee. But I'm not above having salad for breakfast.

But not today. Because I'm out of stuff.

Time to head to the store.


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