Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Inside ...

With someone else, I might have been nervous.

But the phone rang last night and it seemed perfectly natural to talk to him, even for the first time.

We'd gotten to know each other online slightly. On Twitter. And Facebook.

And as is the case with those who are some degree of "known," I felt like I knew him a bit from what bits I knew of him.

So he called.

And we talked.

For nearly two hours, which I wasn't expecting. Not that I presumed there was a time limit, per se. And not that I should be surprised, because he's very kind and kindness is generosity's kin. And also, because we can both talk to the points of needing to shut ourselves up.

He's funny. And appropriately profane. And was affronted, when called for, on my behalf.

Because he understands.

It's such a pleasure to encounter someone who shares my sensibilities, especially if that someone is a bit further down his respective road than I am on mine.

Because he's proof of what's possible.

He commiserated and empathized, but not 100 percent.

Because he's honest, and sugar-coating serves no one in the end.

So he told me, while assuring me that he knows that it's far easier said than done, that I have to get out of my own way.

That I have to stop thinking.

Because I am too rational. And too analytical. And too smart. And I can think myself out of anything.

And he is so, so, so, so right.

What I need – and this isn't his word, it's mine – is folly.

I do not need to think, I need to do. I need to follow the doing and see where it leads me.

Which, once I breathe through the fear of it, sounds like fun. Like Phoebe, running, on "Friends."


Anonymous Alison said...

See, that sounds like fun. Talking to an internet friend on the phone. I did that once and ended up married to the guy. :p

BUT, since it's all about me, I need to tell you that these words — I do not need to think, I need to do. I need to follow the doing and see where it leads me — these words that you have written ring so, so true for me. We certainly have different interpretations of them, but I want to thank you for writing them, for they are a sign.

Thanks for this entry, Beth. Thank you.

PS: My verification word is "nader," I kid you not.

11:17 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

I smiled at "BUT, since it's all about me," as that is something we talked about the other night, too.

I'm very pleased to have written a sign for you, m'dear.

Less thinking, more doing!

Nader. Heh.

5:12 AM  
Blogger Natalie Mikolajczak said...

Running like Phoebe....LOVE IT. What was the dog's name again??

Wouldn't it be great if we could all live like Phoebe running?

9:44 AM  
Blogger Tom Erdman said...

Beth, good for you!

11:51 PM  
Blogger Rick Hamrick said...

So, what are you doing? Not in the sense of perfect design of your life, just doing, the doing which can be followed by more doing?

I don't think the greatest challenge is recognizing that our barriers are of our own making. It is challenge enough to defeat us, but not the greatest one.

The greatest challenge is to do something once we see that the barriers are made of mist and still air.

Just as you note, Beth, fear leaps into our throats when the relative comfort of being blocked has been removed.

So, what are you doing?

3:55 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

Geez, Rick, taskmaster much? :o )

For the moment, I'm doing those things that I really don't want to do, but that are necessary. However, once those things are accomplished, I'm also making it a point to do at least one creative thing each day.

Nothing major right out of the gate, but I view it as a locomotive that's been at rest for a long time. It starts out creaking and groaning and it takes a while for it to get up to speed.

But once it's moving, it's damn near unstoppable.

11:22 AM  
Blogger Rick Hamrick said...

Love the metaphor, Beth.

I believe that life is about change and motion, so good things are not going to happen from stasis.

The cool thing about being in the habit of doing is that it is not startling when you are suddenly guided to the perfect doing which even we, as small, Earth-bound creatures of limited universal knowledge, can later refer to as the turning point in your process.

I've been seeing a lot lately about the self-created ceiling--what Gay Hendricks calls our upper-limit problem--and wonder if I'm getting a subtle hint, myself (duh!). So, I'm doing, too! Not at all sure each day to what good purpose, but even if only in service to Life instead of to Sloth, it is easy to see it is a good direction, this directionless doing.

3:18 AM  
Blogger Kelly said...

For a moment, I almost wondered if you were talking to the same person I was talking to. Like you, I can think myself out of most anything. I'm trying to get out of my own way, too, but it is a difficult habit to break.

Good luck to you. And if you find a magic pill that will fix it all, I'd be happy to be your first sale.

Oh, and my verification word was "lations" which made me want to immediately put an "e" at the front.

6:21 PM  

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