Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Astrological ...

I know a lot of people think astrology is bunk, and I surely don't live my life by it, but I read horoscopes from time to time with a passing curiosity.

Of all the ones I've seen over the years, the book Sextrology intrigues me the most. It looks at astrology in terms of male and female, straight and gay.

There is a lot of information for each sign, broken down by various categories, but the introductions to each of the signs provide insightful overviews of personalities and temperaments. I'm always struck by the splash of each introduction, and this morning I thought, "Well, that could make an interesting blog post."

So here we are, from the beginning of the book, the intro of the intro for each sign, by gender:

Aries Man, The One – "If an illustration accompanied the definition of man in the dictionary, it would no doubt look more like Aries than any other guy in the zodiac. He is astrology's prototypical chap—the model-A male—and as such he embodies the strictest utter essence of his sex: Whether eternally boyish of painfully macho, Aries is an exploration in masculinity in its purest form physically, emotionally, and psychologically."

Aries Woman, The Original – "For Aries woman, the existential journey lies along the path of least resistance. She is a minimalist of the first order and never crowds her experience with unnecessary obstacles, obligations, drama, or entangling emotional involvements. Single-minded in her artistic or professional pursuits, she adopts a definite plan for their achievement, realizing success by keeping life simple, easily sacrificing extra luxuries."

Taurus Man, The Idol – "Dude the obscure: Taurus male is purposely vague. Achieving his life's ambitions, he operates best by keeping his intentions guarded and others guessing. He is not a man of action but reaction, a brilliant strategist who, in both professional and personal dealings, forces people's hands before playing his closely held cards accordingly."

Taurus Woman, The Ideal – "Taurus woman is the zodiac's barefoot contessa, a sort of tribal princess who embodies the spirit of regal immunity and pastoral naiveté. In every aspect, she is a "living doll"—an infinitely fun-loving character who approaches life with an unspoilt, childlike vision and in so doing, she freely spreads joy."

Gemini Man, The Goodfellow – "Gemini man is an operator. He can't sit still, constantly striving to set the wheels of his myriad plans and project in motion. He is the zodiac's premier urbane figure, the proverbial man on the pavement with his ear perpetually to the ground and his finger on the pulse of cultural trends, especially those rooted in localized experience."

Gemini Woman, The Gift – "Gemini woman rides a fine line between innate vulnerability and an aggressive need to assert her own agenda, both professionally and in her personal life. She is acutely aware of her feminine wiles, using them to her best advantage, often playing coy or precocious in order to disarm people and gain necessary ground."

Cancer Man, The Player – "Cancer man is the zodiac's Prince Charming, a self-professed perfect gentleman—clean-cut, polite, coolly composed, and thus seemingly tailor-made to the specifications of a traditionally minded woman. He appears caring and sensitive, nice and funny, the very picture of respect, moral soundness, and earnest ambition."

Cancer Woman, The Pearl – "Unplugged: Cancer woman is the most emotive character in the zodiac. A wellspring of raw feelings, she wears her heart on her sleeve, needing to express her emotions even when others might consider it unwise to do so. More than any other female, she is consumed by her sentiments, brutally unabashed in both her affections and her aversions."

Leo Man, The Natural – "Leo man is the zodiac's quintessential golden boy, a gleaming figure with great charisma and an innate sense of ease and entitlement. He lives life like a king, the world being his playground, assertively satisfying his desires, which are, nonetheless, noble by nature."

Leo Woman, The Knockout – "Leo woman is the prime mover of the zodiac. No other individual possesses her power and determination for achieving her goals, sexual or otherwise. Burning with desire, she attacks life, letting nothing stand in the way of her hunt for fulfillment."

Virgo Man, The Vehicle – "Virgo man is a complicated, often confounding character. To him, the world is an imperfect place fraught with potential pitfalls and disappointments. He is especially predisposed to a defeatist view of relationships, which can't help but fall short of his signature pristine expectations."

Virgo Woman, The Vessel – "And God created woman. Virgo is the definitive earth mother, which, by this very nature, makes her a bundle of contradictions: She is at once an unassuming character and a powerfully feminine force to be reckoned with. Virgo woman is giving and nurturing, but equally reliant on others."

Libra Man, The Character – "Libra is the zodiac's Renaissance man. For him life is art, and he approaches existence as would a painter faced with a blank canvas, feeling empowered to create a world based solely on his idealized visions while striving to encapture sweeping abstract realities that he perceives as having remained heretofore out of humanity's reach."

Libra Woman, The Charm – "Libra woman is the zodiac's activist: The most principled person on the astrological wheel, she can't separate herself from her aerial convictions. To her, the world requires a redesign, as it lacks the very ideals that she most urgently seeks to project."

Scorpio Man, The Stranger – "Scorpio man is a severe individual, strict in his behavior and belief systems. He is narrowly focused, always putting his own needs ahead of any responsibility to others. A solitary figure, if not a subversive one, he stays far from what he considers the maddening crowd."

Scorpio Woman, The Specimen – "Nobody has a higher opinion of herself than the Scorpio woman. Hers is an indomitable spirit that cannot be penetrated by even the most vehement detractors. Too self-possessed to struggle, Scorpio achieves her ambitions by amassing supporters who pave the way, if not roll out the red carpet, for her." (I'm a Scorpio. That first sentence always makes me laugh.)

Sagittarius Man, The Maverick – "Sagittarius is the zodiac's libertarian. A freewheeling extremist, nobody lives larger than he does. Forever shaking up existing codes and mores, he colors outside the lines of life, succeeding in his endeavors by taking great risks."

Sagittarius Woman, The Maven – "In life's rich pageant, Sagittarius woman is the contestant most likely to walk away with the crown. A radiant, regal figure, she presides over experience, exuding an air of deservedness directed toward all she desires."

Capricorn Man, The Stickler – "Capricorn man is the zodiac's consummate sophisticate. An anachronism of the first order, he is a living, breathing anomaly, who, while existing in a thoroughly modern world, nonetheless eschews all things new or culturally mainstream."

Capricorn Woman, The Sleeper – "Capricorn woman is a class act. The most self-composed, least showy lady in the zodiac, she is an understatedly elegant character, largely unimpressed by 'externals' such as fame, high finances, or family pedigree."

Aquarius Man, The Visitor – "Aquarius man is the most estranged character in the zodiac. He exudes an air of detachedness, an ironic symptom of his sign's infamous association with human liberty."

Aquarius Woman, The Vision – "Aquarius woman is an inspiration. Her natural disposition is to see the joy in every situation, and she's able to make even the dreariest of events seem like fun."

Pisces Man, The Drifter – "Pisces is the very definition of a self-made man. More than any guy in the zodiac, he is blessed with an ability to exist according to his own design, devoid of doubt and distraction."

Pisces Woman, The Dream – "Though she is the last lady in the zodiac, Pisces is astrology's undisputed prima donna. The proverbial Everywoman, she is the culmination, and an often chilling compilation, of all the other women who come before her on the wheel."


Anonymous Dave Tutin said...

Oh dear! I'm an Aries. What are you?

10:05 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

I'm a Scorpio.

10:19 PM  
Blogger Marc said...

And if you hid the sign and just read the description, one could say, "Yes, that describes me pretty well." Astrologies are utterly and completely interchangeable.

12:11 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

And as I said in the opening of the post, most men think astrology is bunk. : o )

6:21 AM  
Blogger Marc said...

>>And as I said in the opening of the post, anyone with scientific training thinks astrology is bunk.<<

Fixed that for ya. It's not a gender thing.

12:50 AM  

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