Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Many Wrights ...

A sampling of Steven Wright wisdom and witticism to kick off your Tuesday ...

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes."

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic.

I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious!

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

I just bought a microwave fireplace. You can spend an evening in front of it in only eight minutes.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

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