Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Present(s) ...

I am wearing an enormous yellow sweatshirt. I look like The Sun in the commercials for Jimmy Dean.

It is not, by any stretch, a Christmassy color. A copywriter for Lands End would call this color "maize." Though this particular sweatshirt hails from Eddie Bauer.

But I love this sweatshirt. It is soft and warm and something about its enormity cheers me.

It is perhaps about a week too soon to be writing a post about what I've learned this year, but that's the beauty of blog posts. I can always write another.

Simple as it may sound, a big part of my experiences this year have taught me to be truly present. For both the good and the bad. We spend too much time focusing on the future, fretting about things that may never be, and revisiting the past, consuming ourselves with events we cannot change.

And in the meantime, there here and now gets short shrift.

Until this year, I had taken far too much for granted. I lived my life under the assumption that I had not an infinite amount of time – not in this particular body, anyway – but that life stretched out far in front of me.

And perhaps it does. I certainly hope so. But perhaps it doesn't. No one knows. We assume, based on statistics. Most people live longish lives. But many people don't. And there's no way of knowing when your number's up.

But this isn't a post about dying. This is a post about living. And it's beyond trite to say that we should live every day as if it were our last, because who really does that? Who even knows what that looks like? If I knew that this was my last day on earth, I don't even know what I'd be doing. I'd like to think that I'd be sitting here right now, writing. The blog post to end all blog posts. The epilogue of my life. But beyond that?

I think I'd have a really big breakfast. And if I could wave a magic wand and conjure whatever I would like, I would summon all my family and friends to Grand Central Station (because I love that space; no matter how many times I walk through it, I have to pause to look around), as well as every celebrity I've ever wanted to meet. I'd sing with Springsteen. (I wonder what the acoustics are like in that grand hall?) I'd chat with Hugh Laurie. We'd talk about L.A. Dave. (L.A. Dave interviewed him many times.) Clooney would be there, of course, in a tux from the night before. And Hugh Jackman would be wearing the tank and jeans he wore on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. Hello.

And everyone would know, of course, how much I love them, but I'd tell them all again.

In this moment, though, I'm where I am every morning these days, sipping coffee, clacking away, Christmas Eve on the horizon, and I have much to do.

All the presents that I have to give are wrapped and under the tree. Today I will procure all the stocking stuffers and wrap those, too.

I woke up thinking about what I wanted to bake today. And then, once my brain engaged fully, I remembered all the other stuff I want to prepare. My kitchen will see a lot of action.

I will hope, as I do every day this time of year, for a few Christmas cards to arrive in my mailbox and I will sit in my comfy chair and read them, next to the tree. I will visit a friend with a little holiday treat. I will listen to Christmas music.

Because all the holiday hubbub will be over in a flash. The feeling today and tomorrow and the next is not the same the day after. There's something a little wistful about a Christmas tree on December 26th.

And so, I immerse myself in it now, the hum of the holidays, grateful for another year.

And my enormous yellow sweatshirt.


Blogger Natalie810 said...

I am loving the enormous yellow sweatshirt.

9:42 AM  

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