Saturday, August 29, 2009

Change Of Heart ...

Our lives, of course, change every day.

Every moment different than the one that came before.

But some moments are spent waiting for a light to change.

And other moments change us forever.

A year ago today, two hours passed that transformed a part of my life, of me.

And it wasn't until moments ago that I realized it was exactly one year ago today.

Realized consciously, that is. Clearly, my subconscious remembered all along.

So the "sudden" onslaught of tears wasn't really sudden after all. It was an overdue expression, one year hence.

It's strange to me how fervently so many cling to the past, even when the past is very clearly in its place, even when maintaining that connection keeps us rooted, stymied. Reaching for the future but tethered to a moment that leaves us essentially standing still, while the seasons change around us, like an effect in a movie to denote the passage of time.

But what we don't realize about change, while we feel like we're standing still, is that time continues, and that the stasis we surmise isn't really stasis at all. Change does not stop.

It is only sometimes the changes writ large that register, that make us understand that change was happening all along.

I am not the same person I was when I began this post. I am many moments older. I am, in the most immeasurable of ways, wiser.

And I am tired.

So I will go to bed, and wake up to a new day.

As I once wrote, "a world where beginnings sometimes have ends or linger or grow until they are unaware they have begun and simply are."

Every moment, the new sum total of my life.

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