Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Baffled ...

We spent hours on the phone. Often within a single day.

We talked about everything and nothing, moments ranging from indelible to fleeting. Silliness and gravitas and everything in between.

We made plans, both present and future. Lists grew. Offers.

So much in common, yet so different. Fascinating that way.

And then, suddenly, silence. E-mails unreturned.

And then obliteration. Unfriended on Facebook. Unfollowed on Twitter. Blocked?

Phone numbers that rang through to busy signals.

One final e-mail from me that simply said, "Would you kindly reply to this and let me know that you're OK? I don't understand what's happened but I'll respect your decision."


I deserve an explanation. But I doubt an explanation will ever come.

My girlfriends got angry. Male friends offered theories.

"He's met someone."

"He's married."

"He doesn't want someone to find out about you."

But one friend, a female friend, as wise as the ages, said it all: "Someone already found out about you. Men don't stop until they get caught."

Weeks later, an e-mail arrived: "I don't want to be rude, so thank you very much for the iTunes gift."

Really? He was concerned that I'd think him rude for not thanking me for a 99-cent song?

"He's trying to re-establish contact," one girlfriend announced.


But I didn't reply.

There was nothing to say.


Blogger Rick Hamrick said...

What puzzles me as much as the behavior of this person is how in the world he justified it to himself.

I've made plenty of mistakes in my life, but at some level, I have made amends and sought to help others recover from any harm my mistakes caused. I'm no saint, but I do want to avoid losing sleep over my transgressions.

This smacks of something done intentionally, and I agree with your friend: it was done in a circumstance, most likely, when there was perceived to be no other choice.


Even if busted by his significant other, he could have been civil about abandoning the budding relationship. Instead, he acted with no indication of respect at all.

There's much in this story which is mysterious, but nothing mysterious about what I think of this person.

2:56 PM  
Blogger Doreen said...

argh .... the stoopid is strong with this one ... and so much more, but you already know my take on that!!!

7:11 PM  
Anonymous Constance said...

Whoa. People baffle me. This is my no means the same thing, but a volunteer colleague of mine was furious when no one responded to an email she wrote a mere 2 hours after she wrote it. Before and after this, this same person dropped off the email/phone face of the earth for months at a time. (She's still currently MIA). I don't get it.

11:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Of course you deserve an explanation and I'm betting that if the situation were reversed, you would have provided one. Maybe your friend who said there was someone else was right. The other friend who said he was trying to re-establish contact was definitely right. Men like that are cowards. Be leery of those who participate in the 'catch and release' program. The thrill of the hunt is what they are after. Another type to steer clear of,(Mr. History Channel comes to mind), the man with A.D.D. who tells you that you're great until someone shakes a pretty object in front of him (in this case his computer where he's chatting with another woman)and then he gets distracted. My friend met a man online and much like you, their conversations had future plans in them. He was living in the Midwest, she was near the West Coast. When she told him she was coming to the Midwest for a visit with friends and family and suggested they meet, he drops the bomb-he has a girlfriend. Yet, for months he talked to her about things such as how many children they would have. I don't get it either.

8:20 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

For the sake of clarity, let me point out that the "future plans" he and I were discussing were never anything along the lines of having children and such. They were simply things we would do the next time I was in his city, etc.

But "the catch and release program" is a good way to put it. I think a lot of men like to see how many women they can snare. It's a numbers game. They have no intention of pursuing anything. They just want to see how many they can get on the line. It boosts their egos to think that women are interested and further boosts their egos when they feel as though they can shed them because they believe that they'll have no trouble hooking more.

8:27 PM  

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