Thursday, October 30, 2008

State Of Love And Trust ...

This is what happens when I fall asleep on the couch: I end up wide awake at an hour when I should be asleep.

But when I do get off the couch and shuffle into my office to shut down my computer for the night, I shouldn't check my e-mail. I read somewhere once that looking at the bright screen late at night interferes with sleep later.

Yup. I guess I've proved that theory.

But in my e-mail tonight was a note that's set me thinking about relationships, about their all-or-nothing nature.

Some people may date one or two people before finding their life's partner, some may date many, many more. But nobody knows their number in advance. By definition, most relationships aren't "the one." But we don't know that at the outset of each encounter.

Statistically, we may tell ourselves, this relationship will fail, because all others have failed. But we never know if the present relationship is the last stop on the line, so to speak, or if the journey will continue.

Young love is so idealistic. The older we get, the more guarded we get, because we've learned that love fades, that relationships fail, and up our guards go, metaphorical fists raised in front of our faces to prevent the blows of disappointment from landing.

The trouble is, a relationship can't succeed unless people are truly open to each other. Which means that we have to allow ourselves to be vulnerable and risk the possibility that we might be hurt, again or for the first time.

It's one hell of a system, isn't it? Get our hearts trampled time and again in order to not get our hearts trampled once?

Of course, no one demands that we open our arms and expose our hearts. We're all entitled to live life from the safety of the sidelines or from the chaos of the battlefield. But to the victor belong the spoils. That's the cosmic deal. There is no great reward without great risk. Physics really does apply. The pendulum of love swings widely in one direction but swings equally wide in the other. Yin and yang. Black and white. Tom and Jerry.

Me, I've taken myself out of the melee for the time being. If love comes knocking, I'll certainly answer the door, but I don't expect it will be that easy. Nothing worth having ever is. It's not a decision derived from fear for my heart's well-being. It's very much a decision made from my head. Now simply isn't the time for me to pursue Mr. Right. Then again, life has a way of delivering opportunities to our doors when we least expect them. Like when we've just gotten out of the shower.

In any event, I'm open to the possibility that love may come my way and I'm open to the possibility that it may not.

In the meantime, I'm grateful for the lessons I've learned and the person I've become. And I look forward to whatever experiences await, fresh paint for this life's portrait.

And with that, as the clock ticks its way into the wee hours, I'll end with the lovely thought with which my friend Rob signs each of his posts:

Peace to you and those you love.


Anonymous Dana said...

Well put.

"If love comes knocking, I'll certainly answer the door,"

From experience, it's when you let love find you that it truly happens.

12:35 AM  

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