Tuesday, October 16, 2007

And You People Wonder Why We're Still Single ...

Almost exactly a month ago, I wrote this post for my own amusement. Dating. It's such an unappetizing prospect. And you know why?

Because, as my friend Eric said last week when I ran into him in a parking garage lobby, "Men are stupid."

Of course, not all men are stupid. Some men are lovely and kind. In my life, those men are married or gay.

The dating pool, though, oh, it's shallow. And stagnant. A breeding ground for mosquitos and malaria and other unsavories like Mr. "You're Stunning, I'm Interested" Tony.

Which is why I decided last year to just stay the hell out of it. That's not to say that if I meet an incredibly charming man by chance and he asks me out to dinner that I'll turn him down. No, of course not, but incredibly charming men don't seem to be crossing my path these days. And while I know actual real live people who have met spouses on dating sites, I just don't have the constitution to wade back into those waters, to separate the few kernels of datable wheat from a field full of undatable chaff, if you'll excuse my mixed metaphor.

Case in point: Today, Doreen sent an e-mail to me that contained this picture. (I inserted the black bar to protect his identity, at her suggestion.) The subject line read simply, "?????????" and the body, "Tell me how old you think this man is … ."

I replied, "Um, 70? 75?" And then I IMed her, because I'm all about the instant gratification, "Is that a prospective suitor?!"

To which she replied, "Are you sitting down? Clear all beverages away from your area. His profile says he's 50."

To which I replied, "GAAAA! Is he from a foreign country where they work hard and age prematurely?"

To which she replied, "Does not seem to be."

To which I replied, "It's a nice sweater he's wearing."

She shared the note that accompanied his photo, which was nice enough, stating in part, "I've been a widower for 12 years so am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. But, there are some things you just can't handle comfortably alone. I'm looking for a partner for romantic dinner dates, live shows, or a movie and a pizza."

To which I replied, "So he was widowed when he was 38?"

To which she replied, "Beth, Beth, Beth (like Jeff Z. says), do we reallllllllllllly need to overthink this? It is comedy and tragedy all rolled into one pizza-loving foodie widower ... with a nice sweater."

To which I replied, "SHEESH. SEE? THIS is what's out there! My married friends don't realize how bad it is!!!"

To which she replied, "Send them all this photo and tell them to back the hell OFF!"

Which made me laugh. Out loud. Hard.

As Charlotte said on Sex and the City, "I've been dating since I was 15. I'm exhausted. Where is he?!"


Blogger Chris. You know the one I mean. said...

Now, now.... not all datable guys are old, married, or gay.... we're just several states away apparently.

And don't get me started on the seeming dearth of datable women.... *sigh*

2:33 PM  
Blogger Mercurie said...

I think humanity as a whole is stupid. In fact, in my experience, most datable women are, well, already taken, usually by men who are NOT exactly what one would call datable... The problem is for the datable women to find the datable men and vice versa!

At least I finally have a girlfriend again...Here's hoping this one lasts...

3:44 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

Chris: Oh, for sure, there are a lot of stupid and/or manipulative women out there. Both sexes are culpable for their bad PR.

Mercurie: Let's bring back arranged marriages! And here's hoping your girlfriend lasts, too.

3:47 PM  

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