Saturday, March 24, 2007

Now That's Comedy! ...

God bless Saturday morning television.

I'm still chagrined by the presence of Good Morning America Weekend and Weekend TODAY. I mean, Saturday mornings + NBC used to = Smurfs. Lester Holt may be a nice guy, but he's no Smurf. I used to relish Saturday mornings. I'd wake up at some unGodly hour and pad into the kitchen and grab a box of cereal out of the pantry (which was really a closet) and trudge downstairs and turn on the TV and plop myself onto the couch (my God, how did I live without a remote?), and munch on cereal out of the box. I fondly remember Froot Loops.

Froot Loops would get mushy on your tongue if you sucked on them long enough. Froot Loops were like cereal LifeSavers. (I suppose they still are.) Lucky Charms were never great for eating without milk. Dry, the "marshmallows" were like little bits of chalk. But floating in milk, they'd get kind of slimy and were more pleasant that way.

So this morning, coffee in hand, I plopped myself onto the couch and flipped through channels. There wasn't much to watch (until Jakers! The Adventures of Piggley Winks came on, not that I knew it was coming; no, really, I happened upon it by accident), and then I saw it.

Some days, it's hard to come up with blog topics. (I could regale you with yesterday's waiting-for-the-plumber extravaganza, but you don't need to read about my sump pump woes.) Other days, topics are dropped into my lap like a gift from, well, somewhere overhead. Today was such a day.

During a commercial break, I saw what might be the most unintentionally hysterical hysterical product ever molded from plastic. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you:

Barbie and Tanner.



We all know Barbie. Tanner is Barbie's cute-as-a-bug Golden Retriever. But here's where the hilarity comes in: Tanner, as dogs are wont to do, poops. And Barbie, being the good citizen of the world that she is, cleans up after Tanner. She poops, she scoops. Well, actually, Tanner's poop is magnetic as is Barbie's scooper, but you get the idea.

How is it that Tanner poops, you ask? Why, you depress her tail and out it comes! Apparently, because Tanner doesn't have an actual digestive system, what you put in Tanner needs to be what comes out of Tanner. The Barbie toy geniuses must have figured that it wouldn't make sense for Tanner's crap to look like predigested treats, and opted instead for realism. Which means what the kids feed Tanner looks like, well, you know. Of course, there's only so much you can glean from a commercial, so I'll share with you two great reviews on Amazon.com:

J.B. McCord from San Diego, California, writes: "I have never purchased a Barbie product...until now. I simply couldn't resist 'Barbie & Tanner'. I love this! God bless America! Does this toy teach young girls moral lessons about the responsibilities of pet ownership and the importance of cleaning up their mess? Or, is the feces-eating devil dog teaching impressionable young kids that its ok to consume their own excrement? Who knows, and who cares."

M. "Mary Jane" Martinez from Rio Grande Valley, Texas, writes: "this doll is hillarious. my six year old daughter loves barbie and HAD to have the 'pooping dog'. everyone poos....so do animals....isn't it teaching kids to be responsible and pick up your pets poo so others don't have to step in it? don't most states have pooper scooper laws? anyway, it's not like it's real poo, they are little brown magnetic pellets that look like tic tacs."

God bless America, indeed. I laughed so hard I nearly spit out my coffee.

What's next? Barbie and Skipper Hold My Hair While I Puke?

6 Comments:

Blogger 3finger said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

3:38 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

Poop is the new black.

Verification word: poueqcgr. Says it all, doesn't it?

3:44 PM  
Anonymous Mikeachim said...

But. But. But, but.
....
So desperately wrong. And yet glorious, in a kind of "I *knew* leaving the sea and developing opposable thumbs was a bad idea" sort of way.
The idea of a Western world in which it's perfectly acceptable and PG-friendly for Barbie and Ken to be having a dog poo fight is one I simultaneously want to live in and opt out of.
That's a confusing feeling.

7:47 PM  
Anonymous Jurgen Nation said...

I will never eat tic tags again without thinking, "Tanner may have shat this." Good times.

I love the idea of picking up after Tanner and teaching young girls that they need to pick up after puppies, but the idea of Tanner getting fed what he poops - really, the poop itself - is disturbing. Because, you know there's some white trash little girl who tries to feed her poor dog poop because, "Tanner eats it!"

That would make me insanely angry. I do, however, want to get this play set. I don't care that I'm almost 30. I WANT IT.

12:37 AM  
Blogger Jeff Hunter said...

c'mon now, who can't appreciate a good sump pump story?

8:43 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

Oh, and I can tell a sump pump story like nobody's business!

If Shakespeare wrote about sump pumps, he couldn't touch my sump-pump storytelling prowess.

Clearly, i've been ignoring my niche.

8:45 AM  

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