Monday, February 05, 2007

What Is Love?, Part Deux ...


I just read my pal Steff's post about love.

Steff's posts are always good for inspiring a "Hmm ... ." I wrote about love before, here, but it's not like it's a topic that one can exhaust.

In Steff's post, she mentions that she's only ever used the L-word with one man. Ever.


As coincidence would have it (not that I believe in coincidence), he called this afternoon.

We dated briefly in college (his name is David, of course, because all men in my life are named David, except the ones who aren't) but, unlike every other man I've ever dated, we've stayed in touch for all these years.

Not regularly, necessarily. It's been years since I've seen him, but we pop up in each other's lives from time to time, and always, it's like no time has passed.

I should clarify my comment about only ever telling one man that I loved him. I've said it to male friends, of course. And I once said it to a guy because he said it to me (far too soon) and I was young and felt the need to say it back. But I didn't mean it. And when we split up, I learned the power of those three little words. It was the only relationship I've ever actively ended (as opposed to those dating scenarios in which you both stop calling each other, absurd as they are, or situations in which I've been the break-upee, not the break-uper) and he was hurt. How could I break up with him if I just told him that I loved him?, he wanted to know. Ouch.

So I'm very judicious with my use of the word "love." If I say it, I mean it. Which means I don't say it much.

To my family, all the time. Friends, not often enough.

But David's the only man I've ever said it to in *that* way.

David has a magnetic personality. He's a force of nature. More charming than anyone I've ever met, but in a very real way. There's charming charming and there's smarmy charming. David is charming charming. A boundless heart. Unfathomable generosity. A true love for humankind. An insatiable curiosity about the world. And a father's limitless pride.

There are certain people - very few, sadly, though we're lucky if we have even those - with whom you identify in a mystical way, a connection deep and profound that belies understanding. You inherently respond to something in their soul. It defies explanation. It just is. Words to describe it don't exist. You just know it and feel it and I don't believe it ever goes away.

Soulmate is a word that seems cheapened from overuse, but that's as close as I can come to a label.

Finding a soulmate is a quest for many. David is one, surely. So why aren't we together? Well, technically, we are. We always will be. But he's not here and I'm not there. Maybe we were physically together in another life and we've met up again in this incarnation. Or maybe we'll be together down the road. Or maybe we won't.

But it's nice to know he's there.


Anonymous Mikeachim said...

David sounds like Mr Big to your Carrie. :)
Hm. Those 3 little words.
I've said them a couple of times, and looking back, not meant them enough. And I've been in a situation where I would have meant them enough, but didn't say them.
A very complicated phrase, and just 3 syllables. (Now that's value).
Hitting that natural frequency with people is such a vital, unmissable thing....whether it's between friends, or between lovers. In the latter case, commitment, sex....they're no replacement.
When you can look across a room at your partner, catch their eye and instantly have a conversation via eye contact, one where you're *completely* outclassed - and loving being so outclassed.....that's worth waiting for. :)

6:23 PM  
Blogger Markbnj said...

I commented on Step's blog.
I was lucky enough to marry a friend, and we've been together now almost 30 years.
(which makes me an old fart!)

but still lucky in love, if not lucky in $$$...

8:28 AM  

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