Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Be Loved ...

In my mail, just now, I received an envelope, about 12 inches square.

"James & Sons," says the return address. "Where Forever Begins."


It's a catalog, a really lovely catalog: "Beloved: Contemporary Bridal Design."

How the hell did I get on this mailing list?

Once upon a time, I was poking around Tiffany's web site and found what I thought was "The Ring," just in case anyone ever wanted to know. But I don't remember having to register anywhere on that site. And I can't think of any sites I've been to lately that would have captured my information and sold it to a jeweler hawking wedding and engagement rings.

Still, it's a lovey piece of marketing. Very well photographed, very well laid out, very well written, chock full of useful information for, you know, someone, someday.

Me, I don't think I'll be getting married in this lifetime. No, really. I really don't. Something shifted as my birthday approached this year and I'm OK with the idea.

This topic came up at the birthday lunch and Doreen refused to believe me. "I read you blog," she said. "There's still hope in there." Well, maybe. You can hope for something and not really expect it, right?

Of course, hope is passive. Hoping doesn't indicate any real action to manifest whatever's hoped for. Hoping is like wishing. On the wall of my office is a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt: "It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan."

So I could be planning my wedding, I suppose. Actually, most women do, if not actively, then in their minds, for their own fulfillment. I may never get married, but I've picked out the music to which I'd walk down the aisle. And I know what the first dance would be. I know about how many people I'd like to invite, and the month in which I'd like to be married. I found a dress once, long ago, that I fell in love with, but if I saw it again today, I'm not sure I'd still love it. Maybe. It was rather simple.

The groom, though. He's elusive. It's hard to plan for him. Some people have asked me why I'm not married, and I laugh and say, "Well, it has to be mutual, doesn't it? I can't just see a man on the street and snap my fingers and say, 'You there! You're the one!' " No, he has to choose me, too.

So far, no luck. So all the wedding plans are just daydreams. But it would be a really great wedding.

Maybe I'll throw a party someday with all the components, with one notable exception. All my friends could wear gorgeous clothes and we could eat gorgeous food and drink gorgeous champagne and, hell, I can buy my own diamond.


Anonymous Doreen said...

and I will be there, bearing a gift, a hug, and the "ricecakes" smile!!!

2:52 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

: o )

11:24 PM  

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