Wednesday, October 11, 2006

I Had To Change This Title ...

I was just watching an episode of "Sex and the City" which I've seen before, because there were only six seasons of "SATC" and they weren't full, broadcast-type seasons, so in syndication, every episode comes up pretty often.

Tonight's episode was about Carrie's first date with Mr. Big. First of all, allow me to pause for just a moment to say: Chris Noth. Woof. OK, back to the topic at hand. No, wait. A few more words on Noth/Big. Aside from the whole tall, dark, and handsome thing, the appeal of Big (and why Carrie had to end up with him at the end of the series, lest an enormous angry mob of 30- and 40-something women descend on HBO's Manhattan offices and drag Darren Star through the city streets) lies not only in his looks and charm and car and driver and money and worldy lifestyle but in his honesty and frailty.

Women dig honesty. I suppose men do, too. But women are so used to getting jerked around that a guy who shoots straight scores huge points. And many bonus points if the guy makes her laugh. Big loved Carrie. He always did. It just took him a long time to commit to her. And Carrie went through plenty of trials in her waiting and wanting, enduring the scorn of her friends who thought she was wrong to revisit the relationship time after heart-breaking time, but when you know, you know. And maybe it doesn't seem logical to anyone else on the planet, but when your heart connects with another, there's little you can do about it.

The thing about love is, it's rarely convenient. But then, true love (if you believe in it, and I do) is so exquisitely rare, what are the odds that on this planet of billions of people that two intended souls will find each other and connect? And what if you find someone, but they're not available? Does that mean that they're not the one for you after all? Or does that mean that love isn't tidy?

Nicolas Cage delivered one of the best-ever movie soliloquies in "Moonstruck": "Loretta, I love you. Not like they told you love is, and I didn't know this either, but love don't make things nice - it ruins everything. It breaks your heart. It makes things a mess. We aren't here to make things perfect. The snowflakes are perfect. The stars are perfect. Not us. Not us! We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and die. The storybooks are bullshit."

We are here to ruin ourselves and break our hearts and love the wrong people. But Loretta wasn't wrong for Ronny. They were entirely right for each other. But she was engaged to his brother, though not for love. For security. For the sake of "someone."

Is finding your unavailable heart's desire a test of perseverance? Will you do anything to overcome life's obstacles and realize your love? Or will you retreat? Or is finding your unavailable heart's desire a test of our adherence to social mores? Will you pursue happiness if it means injuring others along the way? Or will you quell your feelings?

In the end, I believe everything happens the way it's meant to happen. That sounds passive, but it's not. It's just the order of the universe. Everyone has had experiences in which you lost something dear to you only to understand it later in life in a larger context of necessity. "If that hadn't happened, I would have never met X ..." and you wouldn't be where you are today.

And you're always where you're supposed to be.

This post wasn't going to be about the ideal of love. It was going to be about first date behavior. But then, when I wrote it, I realized it was something else entirely. Funny how writing will take you to places you hadn't intended to go.

(I just went to Chris Noth's page on IMDb to grab a photo of him, and realized that we share the same birthday. Day. Not year.)


Blogger Dave said...

Frankly, baby, Big would be the perfect guy for you. Maybe not Chris Noth, 'cause I don't know him personally, and what I do know about her peripherally informs me that you probably aren't his type. (Jungle fever, you know.) But Mr. Big - oh, yeah. You and he would be great forever. If Carrie wasn't in the picture, of course. :)

Verification word: jhlrliwr (the whooshing sound made when an African American hairdresser goes out for a brisk jog.)

11:31 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

Well, hell, Big would be the perfect man for a LOT of women!

11:33 PM  
Anonymous Pat said...

Big is the embodiment of why men will never understand women. He treated her like shit, he had an annoying-as-hell way of speaking, and he cheated on his wife: what's not to like? Yet millions of seemingly sane women fall all over themselves for guys like him.

Also Chris Noth was way cooler on Law and Order. I was at a restaurant one day and he was eating lunch across from me. He looks hella old in real life.

Sorry to crush your dream. :)

9:43 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

Ah, but in the end, he followed her to Paris, took her in his arms and said she's always been the one.

THAT erases a lot of shit, my friend!

And I dig/dug him on "L&O." But yeah, time is taking its toll, as it does to us all.

A friend of mine left her apartment one day to go to yoga to find him sitting on her stoop, making calls. The show was shooting on her street. She flipped out. "Mr. Big is on my stoop!"

Good times.

9:55 AM  

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