Monday, August 07, 2006

Bag This ...

Perhaps the love child of The Unknown Comic and Bert - oh, wait, they were both dudes, and one was a Muppet, which might severely constrict his ability to procreate - OK, then, perhaps the love child of The Unknown Comic and Frida Kahlo, Bag Boy is the resident anonymous sports commentator for RedEye, the Chicago Tribune's five-day-a-week, grab-and-go tabloid of all things, well, all things not in the grown-up paper.

You'll note, when you go to the site, that Bag Boy's disguise changes. It's always a bag, but sometimes, he goes for a full bag, while other times, the bag is cut down. I hope he recycles.

Now, the juicy part of this lil' post tidbit is that I know the identity of Bag Boy. Yeah, we go way back. He's been grumpy for as long as I've known him. If he had a yard, he'd yell at kids to get out of it. But, of course, I can't tell you who he is. No, really, I can't. You can pull out my fingernails with pliers, you can make me watch professional wrestling, but I'll never tell.

He rants weekly. Well, I'm sure he rants more often than that, but the Trib is pretty cheap, so Bag Boy and his producer (who's probably one of the nice cleaning ladies I used to know when I worked there) must only get access to a video camera once a week. So don't go gettin' all hooked on what he's sellin', man, cuz you're only gonna get one fix a week.

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