Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Today ...

Today is today, in case you were wondering.

My "Yesterday" post did indeed elicit some "Get off your ass" comments. Not a surprise.

But they set me to wondering: How many people are really living their dreams?

How many people even know what their dreams really are? How many people have resigned themselves to their lives, however banal, however everyday?

Does restlessness stem from prescience? Is the pace of life the problem?

I believe that we're always where we're supposed to be, that every experience has a purpose, that every person holds a lesson.

And that patience is a part of the process. I've always been deficient there.

I know that there will come a day when I will look back at this time in my life and understand it in its context.

I've never been good at breaking tasks down into baby steps. I don't allow myself learning curves. I live in absolutes. If I can't sing like a professional jazz singer, no one will hear me sing. So I practice and practice and practice, then perform. If the execution of a recipe doesn't meet my expectations, I won't let anyone eat it. Hell, if I make a mistake when addressing an envelope, I tear it up. Perfectionism can be a pain in the ass.

So that's one of the reasons why I don't appear to do more. I'm actually doing plenty. But the world doesn't see it until it's ready for prime time. That said, there's more I can be doing. And I know that.

I go through these phases of feeling like I'm not making progress, but maybe they're more about refueling, regrouping, refining. Because right about now, when I start feeling restless, I do something that surprises even myself. And then I think, "Huh. Well, that wasn't so hard. What took me so long?"

But everything happens in its time.


Anonymous Ethan said...

"If the execution of a recipe doesn't meet my expectations, I won't let anyone eat it."

I shit you not, I JUST loaded a CD that had photos from 2003/2004 on it that had photos of the recipes that didn't "make the cut" for my recipe pages. That was a lotta food. Plus there are photos I had no recollection of, such as the first stew Mar ever made using a Le Creuset pot.


I may post a mini gallery of the fallen heroes of cookery sometime.

7:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are using perfectionism as an excuse. You won't really know what you are made of until you fall flat on your ass in front of the world ... and pick yourself up to try again.

4:46 PM  
Anonymous Ethan said...

I was just complimenting Beth on her weed-free garden. How fortunate she is to have such devoted gardiners with keen eyes and devotion to their craft!

8:36 PM  

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