Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Fast Food ...

Remember that scene in "Lost in Translation" in the hotel bar in which Kelly is telling John and Charlotte and the DJ that they have to try "this power cleanse"?

Well, I am.

Work Pal Kelley does it once a year and was telling me about it a while back. Intrigued, I did some searching online and started to read up on it, and this past weekend bought the necessary components and the book and started it last night.

It is some crazy shit, no pun intended. For a minimum of 10 days (but up to 40, though how anyone could do this for 40 days, I have no idea), you take no solids, only certain liquids. Kelley has dubbed the concoction "Fireball Punch": fresh-squeezed lemon juice (handy dandy corrosive agent and supplier of many natural good things your body will need as it's not ingesting anything solid), Grade B maple syrup (vitamins and minerals), spring water, and ... wait for it ... cayenne pepper. Hence the "fireball" in "Fireball Punch."

"Jesus!" you're saying. "That sounds disgusting!"

And you're right! It is not a good combination of flavors. But through some trial and error today, I've hit upon a palatable version: Cold water, not warm. More water. And less syrup. (The syrup is negotiable, the lemon juice and the cayenne are not.)

There are more details to this program than I'll share in the polite company of this page, but I figure, I'll try anything once. Lord knows I dump more than my fair share of crap into this body, even though I try to eat right most of the time. The least I can do is give it a break once a year and detox, right?

A couple of my friends know that I'm doing this. Some of them are intrigued. Some of them think I'm insane. So far, I'm right in the middle. We'll see how things go.


Blogger Jeff Hunter said...

Insane +1

8:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Insane +2. Girl, don't give in to this quackery. This is not healthy.

8:37 AM  
Anonymous Ethan said...

I won't be so quick to disclaim this, as you haven't provided all of the information required to pass judgement. :-)

I did some wacky Google searches in hopes of filling in the blanks, and I believe I found the site (or equivalent) that you did that explains this regimen better. My concern, such as it is, is that this regimen seems to be taken out of context. However, I trust that if your body tells you that the routine is doing more harm than good, you'll shift gears and do something else.

In any case, good luck with this regimen and I look forward to hearing more about it.

8:50 AM  
Blogger Marc said...

This entire concept of the need to "cleanse" and "detoxify" the body, with particular, almost obsessive, emphasis on the colon, is an irrational and unscientific load of crap! The human digestive system and liver do not work or fail to work in the manner suggested by the proponents of cleansing. Evidenced by the number of products and services available (and all supported by testimonials rather than peer-reviewed research), it's yet another way to separate folks from their money. At least it appears you're not buying cleansing specific products, so all hope is not lost. Sorry if this is harsh but it's 'cause we love you!

1:21 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

2:00 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

(I just deleted my own post cuz I noticed a mistake in it after I posted it, so I'm reposting.)

OK, friends, first of all, you're all sweet for looking out for my well-being.

That said, Jeff and Anon, I wish you'd at least learn something about the process before dismissing it out of hand.

Ethan, thanks. I'll post a post-cleanse entry when it's done to let people know how it went.

Marc, as someone whose father recently had 24 inches of his colon cut out of his body, and which was described by his surgeon as "like a steel pipe" (and I won't go into the yuckier details he provided), I'm a big believer that most people in the western world eat a sufficient diet of crap (read: nowhere near enough fiber) that they're not keeping things nice and clean in there. And frankly, since there's no delicate way to say this, the truth is being borne out, cuz I ain't puttin' anything solid in, but solid keeps coming out. I figure, I'm giving my body a chance to catch up with itself. If I thought this was in any way dangerous or harmful, I wouldn't be doing it.

2:02 PM  
Anonymous Ethan said...

BTW - Your post inspired me to sprinkle some cayenne pepper in a glass of lukewarm water (whee) and see what happens. Not in a "cleansing" way but supposedly it is good for your heart and lowers cholesterol levels. It was tough to drink (I only made it 1/3 of the way before dumping it out) but about 30 minutes later I could feel "tingly" sensations of the cayenne being processed by my body. Interesting experience, anyway. :-)

2:24 PM  
Blogger Aarwenn said...

Hi beth--I cleansed once, haven't done it since because I'm lazy and have no self-discipline. But I'm of the opinion that the crap we put in our bodies on a daily basis is a FAR worse punishment than a few days of liquids!

6:26 PM  

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