Saturday, February 04, 2006

Love, It's A Numbers Game ...

I have the most amazing friends.

Everyone has been so supportive over the past few days. I've logged many hours on the phone and had numerous IM conversations. There's a lot of love in my life, and I'm grateful.

Some of my friends are angry, and I find that interesting. I'm not angry. Have they somehow assumed my anger from me? Or are they just angry because they don't like to see me sad?

Some of my friends are sad for me and I appreciate their commiseration. Misery loves company, right?

Except I'm not miserable. I'm fine. And not Meg-Ryan-In-"When Harry Met Sally ..." fine. There will be no future meltdown. And I'm gonna be 40 sooner than Sally.

Dave called yesterday to check on me and after I said all I wanted to say, he remarked on my good perspective. But perspective is what's called for in situations like this.

Not just perspective, of course. Ice cream should be involved as well. But why wallow?

Love is a numbers game, right? Ultimately, ideally, we're all looking for The One. Some people seem to find many The Ones, but when it comes to marriage, my intention is to only do it once. I understand that circumstances change in a marriage and sometimes divorce is inevitable, but I also think that too many people are too cavalier about marriage, with a mental shrug of "Well, if it doesn't work out, we'll just get a divorce." Not me. I want to be more sure. As sure as anyone can ever really be.

I've had two men in my life who wanted to marry me. I never married either of them, obviously; the first because, well, because he never formally proposed (though I wouldn't have said yes), and the second because I knew it wasn't meant to be.

So there's the salesman's adage: Every no brings you closer to the yes. And the fairy tale-inspired saying: You've gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.

Maybe the number is preset. Maybe every person is required to date a certain number of people before finding their mate. So for every relationship that ends, I've just moved myself one space closer to the end of the game.

And, ideally, I learn something along the way. Every relationship has something to teach us. Everyone in our lives is there for a purpose.

There are no mistakes. Everything happens for a reason.

In the end, all that the end of a relationship really means is that the other person wasn't the one.

Maybe I'll find him. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'm meant to go through this lifetime alone. I have no way of knowing.

All I can do is wake up every day and be a good person and live my life and help other people when I can. If someone comes along who's meant to share my life, I'll be ready.

And if he doesn't, well, I have the most amazing friends ...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that what it is, is that we're just concerned because you expressed how happy you were with with this person. I think it's that "breakup commiseration" that we've all been there and to let you know that ice cream and a little ripping on the other party always seems to make things better.

1:27 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

I was happy, while it lasted.
And in fairness, he's a very good person.
He's just not the right one for me.

2:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There's always dildos and Haagen Dazs

2:35 PM  
Blogger Jeff Hunter said...

Maybe the number is preset. Maybe every person is required to date a certain number of people before finding their mate.

I don't think so. I'm a firm believer that there is somebody out there for everybody that wants to have a partner in the life experience. Maybe you'll meet him tomorrow, maybe next week, maybe two years from now. Some people find their soul mate right away, some spend more time looking. Isn't looking half the fun anyway?

9:45 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

The looking part has aspects of fun to it, but the "realizing that the person you're with is not, in fact, the person you're supposed to be with" and the ensuing break-up? That kinda sucks. So if we could happily date and then, with an easy shrug, move on to the next person, heart intact, sure, looking would rock!

9:53 PM  

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