Saturday, January 07, 2006

Peter Brady Returns ...

Late-night/early-morning television is a wasteland.

Up at 4 a.m. today, I was flipping channels and was very nearly dismayed when a far-too-perky woman with a freakishly big smile started raving about the Ab Lounge and introduced, as her very special guest, Christopher Knight, TV's own Peter Brady.

I kept flipping. It was too sad to watch. Peter Brady hawking Ab Lounges?

But later, my flipping having come full-circle, I saw Peter demonstrating his wares. And I gotta hand it to him: He's got good abs. He's got a nice body in general.

So good for him.

But while I'm on the subject of Ab Lounges (and this can be applied to all infomercial fitness products that are touted to be the best and easiest thing since breathing): Can they take themselves a little less seriously? Far-Too-Perky Woman actually uttered the words (I may be paraphrashing): "Lifeguards love the Ab Lounge, and they go to work wearing nothing but a swimsuit! If ever there was someone who knew the importance of great abs ..."

Oh, for the love of God! She didn't seem to intone that lifeguards need good core strength to haul a drowning person out of the ocean. Her "... wearing nothing but a swimsuit" crack set up the importance of looking good in trunks.

Right. Because if I'm ever flailing about, waiting to be rescued in a large body of water, the first thing I'm gonna do when help arrives is check out the guy's abs and say, with a backhanded smack to his stomach, "Whoa! Buddy! Looks like you need an Ab Lounge!"

You can look like Fat Bastard for all I care, just save my life.


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