Thursday, December 29, 2005

Choose Love ...

Waiter, he of, penned a recent post full of things he's learned, good advice, etc. One of the items he included leapt off the screen when I read it: "Love is not a feeling. It is an act of will."

I love that. I love what it means. You *choose* to love someone. It isn't passive, waiting-around-for-Cupid-to-show-up kismet. It's active, a commitment, moment to moment.

Of course, it works best if the person you're with chooses to love you in return. But doesn't the notion that love is an act of will make you feel more powerful? More in control? Not that love is about power and control, mind you, but I also don't believe that it's all starry eyes and walking on air.

It's a process and it requires understanding of both your partner and yourself. And as I write that, I'm remembering writing something about College Boyfriend David, so I searched my entries for it. And I said:

"College Boyfriend David once asked (when we were no longer dating), 'Why can't people just accept that we're not meant to be with one person for the rest of our lives? Why can't we just be with someone for as long as things are good and then move on?'

Well, no one's stopping him, right? You can do that. Many people do. Applying the findings of our Italian friends, 'things are good' for about a year and then reality sets in, at which point you can bail and start looking for the next good thing, or you can understand that there's more to a relationship than the honeymoon phase and choose to devote your life to someone."

Huh. So I've already been thinking about this. Waiter's site was simply more succinct.

+ $5.88


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd have to disagree that love is an act of will. I don't believe you can choose to love or not to love someone. My whole life, I thought I was in control. That people that let love control them were fools. Nothing controls me-nothing. Until I fell in love. So many times, I thought I was in love until I really truly fell in love. Commitment is a choice, a relationship is a choice, but love is not. Granted, it's not all starry eyed and walking on air. But when Cupid hits for real and hits you both, I don't think it's as easy as choosing to remove the arrows.

11:35 AM  
Anonymous virgin said...

I'm glad you expanded on the original idea. I have no quarrell with what you've written, but I really don't like the original saying. It's only half the story.

9:25 PM  

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