Saturday, October 08, 2005

Rule of Engagement? ...

This post is inspired by another post from another blog. (The blog universe has vast potential for plagiarism, but this isn't plagiarism, it's inspiration.)

Kate the Peon, author of the aforementioned blog, wondered whether it really matters how long you know someone before you decide to marry them. She admits to being a cynic, having had her heart broken by someone she knew for a long, long time, but it got me thinking.

My mom knows a woman (slightly younger than me) who recently got engaged after a few months of dating. I have friends who have met someone and gotten married inside of a year. (And gotten divorced inside of another year.) Hell, one of my brothers married his wife eight months after meeting her.

That always seemed really strange to me. He didn't know of this woman's existence on the planet until he was fixed up with her, yet a mere eight months later, he was pledging to spend the rest of his life with her. How could he know?

Everyone says, "When you meet the right one, you'll know." Well, maybe. But if the person you're with is indeed the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with, why can't marriage wait? If you're going to be with Person X for the next 50 years, let's say, why can't you date for two years and be married for 48 years? You're still together for 50 years. But does that combo offer better odds than dating for six months and being married for 49 1/2 years?

Maybe odds don't matter. Either you're meant to be together, or you're not. How you divvy up the dating-to-marriage ratio might be moot. Maybe the clocks are preset.

Some say, the older you get, the more you know yourself and what you're looking for, the less time you have to spend with someone before deciding whether to spend your life with them. I can see that. (Me and some of my friends have talked about the need for a rule about getting married too young.)

Still, my friend Chris (he's Welsh - I'm a sucker for his accent - and he calls me "love," as in "Hello, love") insists that I date someone for at least two years before I get married. Not a year. Not four seasons. Two years. He's adamant.

There's a clock on the wall in front of me. It's ticking. Two years? Really? Do others see the logic and value of the two-year rule?

4 Comments:

Blogger Beth said...

Tish wrote a great comment about the two-year rule - Thanks, Tish! - but posted it to the entry below. Worth the trip, though.

10:04 AM  
Blogger Moxie said...

It's a tough call. I think two years is a good rule on paper, but in practice I think every couple progresses at their own pace. I've seen friends get married after a year or so, and they're extremely happy and stable. Other friends got married after 3-5 years and a couple of them are getting divorced. Is there really ever a magical equation to follow?

9:36 AM  
Blogger Robert Vollman said...

I agree with Chris' 2-year rule.

I have seen so many cases of the heart going faster than the brain. Then you wind up marrying someone who is all wrong.

That is such a huge risk that its worth investing an extra 9-12 months to be sure!

5:36 PM  
Blogger Tish Grier said...

wow! boy, do I get the "duh!" award for that move

:-)
T.

6:33 AM  

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